Sexy Phlegm

Jan 7, 2013

Remember the Friend's episode where Phoebe got sick and sang all sultry? Yeah, I'm the TOTAL opposite of that. It started with the entire left side of my face having so much pressure it felt numb, my left eye oozing, loss of hearing in my left ear, and left nostril running without my knowledge. Add in throat pain and not being able to breath without my mouth hanging open like a weirdo, and its a PARTY. Not.

Did I mention I was in public at the onset of all this excitement?

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...obviously.

Cut to a half bottle of Tylenol Multi-symptom in my gut over two days with zero relief and this girl was about to end it all.

Verdict? Sinus infection. After showing my ID to get sudafed, ya know cuz I live in the meth capitol
of the Midwest, and stopping at three different stores for soup and ice cream because my mind liquified and ceased functioning long enough for me to realize I could have purchased everything at one store and been home hours sooner, I'm on my couch, two thirds of the way through a 1.5 quart of Edy's Chocolate ice cream feeling slightly better from the delectable taste of my daily caloric intake - in ice cream. shout out to the God's of cable with a constant array of mind numbing tv keeping me occupied enough not to call/text/Skype everyone I know (again) and tell them how close to death I am, no I can't enunciate because I'm so congested I could hack up a gallon of mucous, and can you please stop breathing, touching, looking at me cuz I'm on the verge of throat punching you.

Bottom line: if anyone wants to join in on the fun come on over, but bring your own ice cream. And another quart for me, I'm running low.

Here's to feeling like shit - glad I could brighten your day.


-Side note: I'm penning this post from the blogger iPad app and have zero idea if this will post properly.

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